why?I formulated my plan to create this website while riding home on the Skytrain one night. There were three things on my mind: (1) my impending 40th birthday; (2) Len's fifteen year old son D., plagued recently by his first existential crisis (What the f...'s the point?); and (3) the internet. At first I thought I would write an essay, perhaps addressed to D., describing my own experiences with the whole "What the f...?" thing. Then I got this idea, with its even greater narcissistic appeal (when you think about it, the internet really is just one big vanity press). On the occasion of my fortieth birthday, I'd create a website aimed at addressing, in a roundabout kind of way, that very important question. That fundamental, recurring question that lies at the broken-hearted core of everything it is to be Us:"What the f...'s the point?" It makes sense to do this here. I used to use the internet to work out all kinds of stuff (hence was born the pseudonym "goatgrrl", for whom this site is named). In the early '90s as I approached, then left behind, another significant birthday, the goatgrrl careened wildly around the internet, taking advantage of the anonymity afforded by the online world to explore, inquire, confess and salivate. Untrammeled access to information -- all kinds of information, and to people -- all kinds of people, made a phenomenal difference in my life. I used the internet to test hypotheses, challenge theories, share secrets and misbehave. Out of that came relationships (both virtual and real-world) that made all the difference, and I learned something fundamental to my future happiness: that speaking the truth about awkward aspects of our lives -- the things of which we're most ashamed, or most afraid -- is well worth the risk. (Adrienne Rich put it this way: "[A]ll we can confess of what we are/Has in it the defeat of isolation/If not our own, then someone's, anyway.") At forty, I believe "the point" -- if there is one -- is to connect. Tell our stories. Look for common ground. Make each other laugh. Then I think the point is to take care of one another, seek the truth, raise hell, enjoy ourselves and leave something beautiful -- or interesting -- behind. Not necessarily in that order.
Deborah McIntosh aka "goatgrrl" |
the goatgrrl FAQ
thank you
To my parents, Ian and Judith, my love and thanks for forty years of encouragement, acceptance and hot meals. To my step-parents, George and Katie, Big Respect for the gracious way you've handled the role, and my love and thanks for those same hot meals. To Doug, Christine, Fiona, Daniel, Evelyn, Natalie & Pierre -- love always, and the hope (and confidence) you'll find your own version of "the point". Most of all, to Len, who hates me to sing him, yer - like - my worst nightmare. Not. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the inspiration I've taken from Rick Bebout -- a longtime activist and hell-raiser who once "suffered me gladly" over a cup of tea in Toronto. Rick offered up his amazing website several years ago, on the occasion of his 50th birthday, and the gift has continued to flourish. Thanks for the great idea, Rick. Happy Birthday to us! |
www.boothill.ca | the goatgrrl reads | goatwrrld top 10 | email the goatgrrl | home to goatwrrld.
